What Have I Become in New York?

Sometimes I'll ask myself: What have I become after I came to New York?

For that, I have to recall how I was before I came here.

Let's see...

I have already started to gig around in KL before I came here --- a freelance musician, if you will. So that was pretty much what I'm doing now. But I wasn't as good as knowing people and network as now, that's for sure.

I was loud and talkative back then, but never as loud to voice out what I think or ask for what I deserve.

Knowing these facts tells me that I'm already a totally different person now.

There are both sides of such characteristics: I've either turned into a friendly person who is brave enough to say what he thinks, or I've become a fake socializing ass and a demanding little bastard.

I'm usually pretty careful with not crossing the thin line to the negative side of it but sometimes I still did it subconsciously.

What else have I become? Hm...

I know that I don't talk as much back home, for I'm always home alone, doing my thing. I've becoming quiet most of the time, and dark... I see things differently, often negative and pessimistic... and I'm colder than before, I don't feel for many things as before, I would stand there and watch the changing of a certain situation or issue...

"What have I become?"

Whenever I ask myself this question, and when these answers popped up to me, the words of the wise old man started to resonate in my head once again, he said,

"This is a place where you get it, or you lose it."