Hiding myself in my apartment has become my habit.
Night is deep. Sake is ice cold.
I'm sitting in front of the computer, a little buzzed, writing this blog, together with David Tao's breezy voice.
Do I like to be alone so much? Yes? No? Or maybe both?
I suppose my biggest problem is staying far away from the City, nowhere to go.
Maybe I should go to the Queens College campus sometimes, longing at the distanced city view, lights shooting into the endless night sky. Hearing car honks from miles away. Watching planes flying in bound and out.
Sometimes I feel that finding solitude while looking at business and crowdiness is an enjoyment.
Maybe that's what I am.
Like what I said earlier to a friend, maybe I do not deserve any love and care, because I'm simply cold and selfish most of the time. For people who don't know me, maybe I'm a nice guy.
When one really gets to know the real me, that might not be the case.
Who am I?
A complex organic machine who's too into his own world and couldn't care less what others think and feel.
Maybe I should be married to music instead. I'm already having fornication with her every single second, might as well.
Knowing myself is a hard thing, but all I can say is, I'm quite a fucked up person in general.
Selfish.
Unkind.
Fake, even.
Lustful for more and more musical satisfaction.
Breaking people's heart again and again.
I think before others reject me, I should learn to reject others.
Yeah, don't come near me, I'm dangerous.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment